Single & Married













DON'T MARRY A WOMAN WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN YOU

No farmer waters a weed, in the same way no woman loves a man she doesn't believe in. If she is in a relationship with a man but doesn't believe in his dreams, vision, passion, etc, chances are that, she is just with him today out of necessity or due to her needs. He will lose her the very day her needs are not met. Women are helpers and companions but they help the man they believe in. Just as a bank will refuse to give you a helping hand because they don't believe in your idea or think it’s not viable, so will a woman who doesn't believe in your dream or vision, only see the negatives associated with it.


She will look for faults, blame you and always compare you to others forgetting that everyone is different, having different destinies and callings. She is not devoted to you and becomes your discomfort when things are not working for you. She disrespects her man. She focuses on what is not working in her man’s life rather than supporting him and praying for him to succeed as a man in her life. She finds no interest in his vision and cares less about it.

She won't ask about his day but will rather insult, discourage him or show disinterest when he tries to engage her in conversations on that. Every man needs a friend, and that was the reason Eve was created for Adam as a wife. For in the midst of all the blessings, abundance, riches, animals there was one thing a man lack which was a friend. "And the Lord God said, “It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs” - Genesis 2:18 (TLB).

It takes a friend to understand you, it takes a friend to learn about you and it takes a friend to help you. When a man has a woman who understands him, learns about him and helps him, he has found himself a wife; a helper and companion. It will take such a person to motivate him, inspire, comfort, stand with and pray for him. She gets to know him better and when people know you, it becomes hard for them to leave you.


A true friend never leaves you because they know you. They are used to you and miss you when you are not around. She easily forgives him when he goes wrong because she understands him and knows he means his "sorry". She doesn't question or doubt him, she believes him and asks if there is anything she can do to help. Such a woman brings out the king in the man because she is a queen. She is a great woman and will challenge him to go higher in life; unlike the one who will bring him down.

The man never leaves such a woman guessing or stressing because he sees her as a friend, someone who understands him, and he opens up to her and lets her know what his needs and wants are. The woman then feeds him and never makes him go hungry in anyway. She doesn't treat her man by what she heard about him, but she treats him by the actions he shows her. A woman who doesn't believe in you hurts you; and it crazy to think that the one who hurts you loves you. Don't marry a woman who doesn't believe in you. Don't marry a woman who hurts you. In conclusion "Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise" 

by Counselor Adofoli

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WHO SAID GOING NAKED BEFORE YOUR WOULD BE SPOUSE IS BAD(SIN)?
Alert!! This is an Adult content,parental guidance is needed.
I have always believed in staying chaste until I unlearned and relearned. I still support people who do but as for me,we just have to go naked.
It was a cold Saturday morning,my excitement was beyond the cloud having seen "the girl i wan marry". I had to inform my pastor about my latest discovery. You know how electrifying that feeling of finding a wife can be? That is a cloud 9 feeling.
I arrived my pastors office just before he drove off for the provincial pastors meeting. Because he was in a hurry,I just smile and told him the reason why I came. He looked at me sternly and said,"Chima,have you both seen each other's nakedness?" I was shocked at first,how could my pastor ask me such question? Damn!

That question just slammed a death sentence on my initial excitement. He didn't end it their even after I told him a clear,"NO sir". "Bro Chima,you both should go and see each other's nakedness." At this time,I lost my patience. I could literally see the devil speaking through him. He saw the shock stamped on my face so he sat down,removed his suit and took hold of his big NLT bible with concordance.
"Could this be the revised edition of the bible?" was the question I asked myself. He immediately drew my attention to Gen. 2 vs 25. "But daddy,they were already married" was my response after he read that verse. "How myopic you are in the things of the spirit" was his reply. "what is myopic about my refusal to go naked before my will be spouse or to see her own nakedness?" was the question I mused in my heart. He quickly drew my attention to Gen. 3 vs 10.
"why were they now ashamed in chapter 3 vs 10 but were not ashamed in chapter 2 vs 25?" At this point he was already sweating as if he was on the pulpit preaching. I was left in awe as I looked at him.
"Bro Chima,the nakedness that Adam and Eve saw in Gen 2 vs 25 is the type of nakedness I'm talking about. "Ah ah daddy,do we have two types of nakedness?" was the question that jumped out from my mouth. "Yes,we do. According to what we see in the scripture."
"My son,the nakedness you think they saw in Gen 2 vs 25 is different from the one in chapter 3 vs 10. The one I want you and your spouse to see is the one in chapter 2 vs 25. In that verse,the nakedness that Eve saw was Adam's inadequacies,she saw his weaknesses,she saw that he was an introvert,she saw a man that was incomplete without her and the man,Adam was not ashamed when Eve saw his inadequacies and weaknesses because Eve didn't lash at him for having such weaknesses."
"Bro. Chima,Adam also saw Eve's weaknesses,he saw in her a "Soft copy" of himself,he saw her inadequacies and accepted all of them and thus he proclaimed: "And now this is the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh."
At this point,I wore my thinking cap,my ideology and ancient pattern started receiving a surgical session from my pastor. Sense will not kill him sha!
He went further.

"My son,go and get naked before her and let her get naked before you. Ask her about her past mistakes and also tell her of your past mistakes,open up your vault and let her open up hers. If you both can accept each other even after answering the deep questions and unearthing your flaws and mistakes of yesterday then it can be said of you like it was said of Adam and Eve that they were both naked and were not ashamed."
"Bro.Chima,you should understand that you might hear things that may even cause you to cancel the marriage,but know that every saint has a past. She may also feel same way too after she hears that you got a lady pregnant in the village who has a son that your mum is nursing for you."
At this point,my heart was no longer with me,I couldn't say anything further. "My son,initiating the question might be difficult for you,you can get the 'GET NAKED QUESTIONNAIRE' by Mute Efe. It will help you get the facts that you need to know,it will help you go completely naked before each other and not be ashamed.
"Daddy,thank you very much,I'll do as you have said." I sluggishly left the office haven lost my initial drive.
...End Note
Listen to me now!
I know you want to get married today, tomorrow. Its good to get married,marriage is a beautiful thing. Please,before you go ahead to formerly tie the nuptial knot,ensure that you go naked before each other,ask deep questions,unearth the mistakes of yesterday and see if your will be spouse can accept you with the shame of yesterday. If your both can stand before each other unashamed after going naked then you stay married forever.
Have you gone naked before him or her? If yes,thumbs up. If no,please take action and go naked today.

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YOU AND I
Found of you the first day I melt you alone
g the road as you walk pass by me your glittering an eye ball with it eye lids blinking so captivating and inviting with a charming smile from you to me I see my dreams come true in your eyes cause You&I where made to be one

Thank God the day I found you God bless that day cause you’re a blessing sent from above down to me here on this earth, so well you are well adorn fashion out of man in the likeness of Him that made You&I the one my heart and soul longs for cause am yours and you are mine

The sun is still shinning, the stars rules the night the glimpse of the moon as its glitters for a moment while the night last through darkness, tonight I celebrate my love for you making a commitment of a life time a pledge to take responsibility to be there all the way for you cause to you I’ll return no matter what the world will do or choose to say if the world forsake you I won’t.

You&I must make a path we must bring salvation back where there is love I’ll be there I’ll reach out my hands to you I have faith in all you do cause you make me a believer since the day you came along my way am so much in love with you, that’s while am stuck on you, come along with me to a whole new world just for You&I.

I can show you the world shinning, shimmering, splendid tell me my jewel now when did you last let your heart decide open your eyes to the splendid beautiful sight of mother nature so real and lovely unbelievable sight with an indescribable feeling soaring tumbling, freewheeling through an endless diamond sky.

The stars are peering, the moon is smiling, the climate is caressing and the night is melting. A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view no one to tell You&I no or where to go or even say we’re only dreaming a dazzling place I never knew but when am up here it’s crystal clear that now am in a whole new world with You&I together

Every turn a suppress you next to me with new horizon to pursue every moment red-letter I’ll chase them anywhere there’s time to spare, don’t you dare close your eyes a hundred thousands things to see hold your beautiful breath its get better I’m like a shooting star I’ve come so far I can’t go back to where I used to be is just a whole new world for You&I

We move together as one in pursuit of our dream we both want to fly to the highest top of the mountain and with the sky the start off point, together we plan our way thanking God for better days ahead becoming the best in our field of discipline inspite of our weakness, differences your hand in mine You&I

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PURITY
We are living in a day where purity is a joke, and high moral standard are being systematically destroyed by Hollywood techniques and community practices. The prevailing low moral standards and rapid increase in immoralities of all kind tells us that it is normal thing that goes on in the world today.

History books are full of glaring examples of past nations, yes and might nations too, which fell to ruin because internal moral corruption. One of America’s greatest hazard for survival is her low moral standards and practices, we can’t defy the spiritual and natural law of God and go unpunished, high moral standards makes a nation strong and make her a leader among nation.

Greatest enemies human being have is our flesh, the devil and the world. Our flesh the old nature enjoys sin and constantly wants to indulge in it. Jeremiah 17:9; Galantines 5:19-21 the devil he is power vicious and merciless 1 Peter 5:8 there is only one refuge from him and that is Jesus. The world tendency in the world is away from purity; in the world it is popular to sin and to be impure.



…End Notes.

Remember through Christ and only Him you can be kept pure other way turn out to failure

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PAINS AND GAINS OF SINGLE
The unmarried life is, undeniable, full of the pains and gains however God didn’t design the waiting period to be a period of pain neither He is unaware of some harrowing experiences the unmarried go through in their quest for a suitable helpmate. Apparently God designed spinsterhood/bachelorhood as a necessary transition for the sacred institution before the marriage.

It of a serious an indispensable thing that God attach a serious importance to marriage He performed the first marriage in Eden and Jesus Christ sanctioned marriage by being present at a wedding in Cana of Galilee “…Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female” so God is aware of the pains and has also ordained the gains.

THE PAINS.
Emotional Pains. These comes in form of loneliness, feeling of worthlessness, self pity, insecurity, depression, urge for intimacy with the opposite sex and temptation to indulge in immorality above all loneliness seems to be the root from which others shoot out. A life of loneliness paves way to depression that leads to a feeling of worthlessness often times financial pains also contribute to the emotional headaches of singles.

Psychological Pains. They are unleashing by pressure and stigma that the society lays on singles. There is even a greater type of pain it is the pain of broken courtship often time intending couples may discover along the line that they weren’t compatible all signs indicate that they are not fit for each other and should break off the relationship. The period spent in courtship create much emotional bonding between both parties, which make splitting to hard and impossible but a broken courtship is better then a broken marriage.

Financial Pains. Finances plays an indispensable role in the fulfillment of life’s ambition, the unmarried seeks seek monetary means to acquire property needed for a smooth married life but the unmarried tends to blame the scarcity on their lack of a “helpmate”.

THE GAINS.
It’s a free period of life that enables the man or woman to pursue and achieve excellence in vital areas of life it’s the time to contemplate and establish a career draw a mental portrait for a fulfilling future and strive to actualize it. It is a time to search and acquire spiritual knowledge, develop one’s emotional and psychological faculties and acquire basic property for hitch-free living preparation is the mother of celebration. Preparation is expected in at least five areas:


PHYSICAL If you’re a man get a good apartment, if you’re a woman gets necessary cooking utensils learn how to cook good meals and take good care of yourself and your health.


FINANCIALLY you need money, please. So get a good job. It’s amazing to see some singles dabble into marriage unprepared. They have neither savings nor regular income after marriage such people becomes liability to their spouses and the church.

MENTALLY deal with erroneous beliefs about marriage through God’s unfailing wisdom by going for pre-marital counseling, read helpful books and family magazine.

SPIRITUAL one of the thing or better still the benefit of single life is that it helps one in serving God without distractions, the quality of your spiritual life will determine the general tone of your life. Spend much time in silence in and mediating on God’s word thanking Him for what He has done for you in your life.

EMOTIONALLY know how to forgive and forget, generous and selfless every man wants an asset for a wife; so become one live to learn not just to earn.

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CHARACTER AND BEAUTY
We often focus on beauty forgetting the other part of it character, at times we are caught by the beauty of a person never want to take a look at the character of this person that possess this exceptional looks and figures, some people prefer beauty then the main issue character which makes everything complete.

Looking at a person from a distance one cannot tell of who that person is never judge a book by the cover until you’ve devoured the book so also human are meeting someone for the first time wait! Don’t rush into labeling such person a good and nice to be with individual character is what a man, a woman is in the dark time will tell whether such person is good person he/she profess to be.

Beauty can be much there but character is nothing to write home about or command on, at time the outer beauty doesn’t really matter but the beauty inside the beauty of a woman last for a season but intent last forever, beauty where character is misplaced is not beauty at all remember the greatest beauty cause the greatest ruin don’t fall for beauty.

What is the essence of beauty without Christ the fear of God, without character, without chastity, without courtesy, without charisma, without education, without decency and good report is useless and wasted stinking an empty shadow within empty without nothing inside. Beauty to everyone varies but you will agree with me that beauty is not of the outside only but that which comes from within inside out reflecting outside for all to see and admire that is beauty.

Of a truth beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, how do you rate beauty? Is it by the shape figure, clothes, make up, shoes and jewelries, or fear of God, good character which do you prefer, how do you rate beauty in your own view?

Character makes you vulnerable, generally acceptable by all, put you in the fore front a space setter, makes you stand tall standing out of the crowd, makes you valuable and indispensable. Beauty makes you shine like a star a diamond in the sky, makes you a world-class hero and hereon, make you a gold. Beauty fade the day it will fade what we you fall back on the bad legacy you’ve built for yourself let go the ego of beauty come down from your high horse, see that’s a way you’ll handle beauty and it will last till the night for you but if you don’t handle it well it will disappear in the morning.

…End Notes.
Beauty without a good character amount to nothing but disgrace and waste of resources

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ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL
Often when my friends ask me that see look at this girl is she not beautiful, do you know what my reply will be here is my reply that all human being be it boy nor girl that God created is beautiful, awesome ii all depends on the packaging good care i.e. taking good care of yourself the Holy Scripture attest to it that cleanness is next to godliness. All are beautiful; talking about packaging the way you dress is the you’ll be address in return the real beauty here is not necessarily the physical structure why is this a girl can make up a beautiful and charming look, dress and figure but your presentation is what matters.

Dress well here dress comes into play of what is your dressing the kind of dress you put on let me talk first to girl folks cause they are those that are so found of this dressing, dressing is what covers our nakedness our identity the image projector that project our true self to the outside world from within inside of us, how is your dressing? To what motive is your dressing? Why do you dress? What are your guiding principles when you dress? What do you wear and why do you wear what you wear?

I never say no one is not beautiful everyone is beautiful “but” it all depends the way and manner you dress your packaging why packaging is just like a brand which is liken to a product the container and wrapper of a product goes far of how well that product can go far in the market.

Present yourself good in all sense, be clean neatness is hall mark of beauty, when neatness is taken as a first and utmost priority you see you’ll be dashing, charming singled out of the crowd a people person accepted by all looking good and cool with time you win everyone your outward appearance matters here, don’t be too backward as in how adorn yourself with good things not costly Ariel I don’t mean you should then look unkempt as if the world is crushing on you.

Make your hair keep it clean always; smile good avoid odor of any kind (body, your hair, arm pit etc) with a clean cloth at all time be clean and clear from dirtiness of any kind when at work, at home realizing, in the kitchen when cooking, in the public and private eyes be a girl of cleanness to the core above all never be lazy wash your clothes when they are dirty a clean dress be it undergarment or the outer ones make it always clean and brush daily keeping your hair clean ‘cos that is the glory of a girl (woman).

Always says beauty is in the eyes of the beholder dress well if you want to be appreciated and love take good care of yourself your body, see is never until you pant here and there until you look beautiful but well and godly way of comportment makes you look good and nice, not all those skimpy dresses miniskirt, micro mini, show me your boobs, visible pant line, make-up here and there dressing like God knows who see girl do you want to know the truth ehnn you are beautiful the way you are ok.

…End Note
To yourself dress well never let your dressing to be a sign for your brother to fall a temptation you are not a temptation to man but an helpmate to man ok “let your moderation be known to all men the Lord is at hand.”

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STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART
Love is sent from above ordained by God invented by Him He is love He died for love, love has been existing from the foundation of the world the first human God created He made them so they might live in love…love brought Adam and Eve together to live as one two separate body in one soul, out of Adam eve emerge little wonder Adam called her woman cause she was taken out of a man this is the preeminence of love this love was made in heaven sent from above down to us here on earth, today the love experience was not what it was again But the love turn outside to become lust…love lust, Love is an affection towards someone true and pure love, Lust is a carnal affection seeks to gratify self at the expense of others.

Not love at first sight as some of us call it nor infatuation a craze feeling impure
but love from within out of a pure heart love without decimalization. Love is an action…not a feeling, Love is a choice…in fact, and Love is a commandment neither selfish nor partial. When love gets into the head makes one blind from all realities if you are in love friend never allow it to get into the head reason why is that when it gets right there into the head you loose your sense of judgment that’s when you’re blind in love fail to think in the normal perspectives with so funny characters. To handle yourself use your head, to handle others use your heart when one is in love he/she does anything either stupid negative things, Love is blind to those who go into it blindfolded without not considering the attachment attach to it Lost in love…blind to reality

“I love you” means so, so much this sentence means more than what we think is a commitment…an assurance to stand and take responsibility far beyond our reasoning, thought and imagination not meant to be said without a second thought…is it really love or just a mere attraction?, is it really love nor infatuation?, is it really love nor just an act of attraction?, is it really love or a feeling felt to been attraction towards the opposite just a mere feeling?, is it from the heart?, think through about it. Been in love is never a crime neither is it a taboo but with a pure heart and motive and with the right person whom our heart, body and soul long for, if no I tell you to have a second thought about that relationship and look for the right person because it can’t work no how hard you try to make it work is a feeling that comes from within from the deepest part of your heart that you can feel but indescribable your spirit will testify of it attesting to such a relationship that is for real one that there will be no doubt but real and true.

Has it ever comes a moment in your life you came across a being that caught your attention sweeping you off your feet your entire being each time the reflection of this person flash across your mind every now and the a special being with an usual feeling a sense of excitement and happiness fulfillment that you say what a being…so that’s love you would have felt much more then this, is a normal thing to feel love that shows you’re a normal and complete human being…but! Watch it never allow it to get out of hand that’s when you allow it to get into the head, taking control of your entire being blind love or blind in love when such happen this is not love at all

…End Note
Don’t ever build your love life on falsehood, base on the movie you watch either Nollywood, Hollywood, Bollywood movies, the magazine and novels you read the opinion of society but let it be base on God’s word and standard, on trust, respect, faithfulness, not in deceit with this we build a health relationship. Get me right here love doesn’t mean abuse of each other disrespecting each other, toiling with one another’s feelings and emotion cheating on each other don’t play hide and seek with your date be open with him/her.
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WHEN TO LET GO...
Do not stay too long where you are not loved, and if you are there walk wisely
When we found love are in love it all tells on us everything shows on our face, appearance and disposition so happy and we felt is this love but before we know what’s going it was for real the love so strong stronger then pain, the day we found love all went on way so way that we never want to let go the love we’ve found we want to keep it by all means making it work given the best part of us just to see the love glows and growing stronger as the days unfold we look forward to each date we have wanting to spend the whole hours in each other’s company lock in one another embrace.

He calls every minute of the day that trust was so really and always there, as we walk together out every night gazing into the sky as we hold each others hands enjoying the beauty of mother nature at night time, together we move as one with so much plan we have for each other for our future, together we are made to and nothing can come in between us cause the love is so true.

Will never want to let go off one another for a minute always there for one another ‘cos we both have faith in one another not allowing a mere mortal to form a gulf fix in between us there comes a time in every one life when you have got to made up your mind to make a decision for who to love that person that you’ll spend the rest of your life.

As moment runs into minute, minute into hours, hours into days, days into month, months into years then as love strive to exit in this heart of ours here on this earth then suddenly love becomes so cold thing that hasn’t be there from day crept in and love becomes so cold and sour, wait what went wrong? He stops calling, she make out one excuse or the other just to avoid dates, not been there as before, he/she nags at every at opportunity, sees and seek for fault always and criticize, beating her up at any slight provocation crying and heart break, never apologize for wrong doing.

At this point is that time to know that you’ve got to let go, letting go of an unhealthy relationship opens up another opportunity for a healthy relationship, let go of that relationship cause he/she doesn’t worth you at all and look for that special person who will threat you like a lady care, understand and love you for who you are not what you have.
When to let go;
Let go when he/she stops calling, when he/she ignores your call.
Let go when she starts playing prank (hacking parking).
Let go when he/she insist on sex as a sign to prove your love.
Let go when he has lost the passion and love for you.
Let go when lies, mistrust set-in, specious and unfaithful.
Let go when he is not the boy you use to know.
Let go when she is not the girl you use to know.

…End Notes.
Letting go of an unhealthy relationship, a broken courtship is better then a broken marriage…when all this signs are showing this is the right time to let go.

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A WIFE
Today women are much but wife are scarce. Let me start with that often we see ladies around but what comes to mind how many of them we see around today they flock around so much that they are more then the male folks in the population of the world but how many of them are wife material?

A woman is made for an helps mate for her husband not to be a pain in the neck to bring so much love, care, happiness, good things that make life worth living is not just a mere woman but a virtuous woman an uncommon woman born through God’s word not by the world nor the society a wife worth of emulation the dream of every man.

To get women is easy but to get a good wife is difficult, our world is developing so rapidly at a blink of an eye so is the world today and many things abound happening here and there, it takes really grace of God to get a good woman filled with the fear of God born of the spirit a woman of the word filled with the spirit of the son of the most high with a conscience clear from all that defiles. A homebuilder who rises up early to provide for her home.

The traits of a good woman;
“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies the heart of her husband doeth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil, she will do him good all the days of her life, she seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands, she is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens, she perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth ont out by night, she layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff, she stretcheth her hands to the poor; yea she stretcheth forth her hands to the needy”. Just on and on like that…a virtuous woman she is in deed.

I was fortunate to come across a write-up of a woman that was dead on her program sheet for her burial ceremony was written an article at the back titled “uncommon woman” was written come and see the attribute attributed to this being what a woman of inestimable jewel women are many wife are scarce think of this so absorbed thought provoking so sober.

Until you are able to measure up to that standard of the virtuous woman stated in the book of Proverb 31:1-30 that’s when you become a wife moving from many women to a wife remember women are many but wife’s are scarce become that real and uncommon women.

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A HUSBAND
A man of character not an animal neither a woman beater never the one who has lost his dignity to women of loose virtue but a husband the husband of one wife the head of a home not the one that has lost the pride of manhood not a disgrace to men folks but one worthy of emulation born through God’s word not the world a man of the spirit…a man of the word.

Born by the spirit wash by the blood redeem by the blood of the son of the most high not just ordinary men but men of honor full of honest report out of the crowd the pride and joy of every woman the uncommon woman a virtuous one that’s what A Husband is, which one are you? An infidel or…let me leave the next option for you to fill in you who you are.

To have a good wife you must be a good husband work on yourself first then you can be assured that you’ll find a good wife, an husband is a man that is “blameless, vigilant, sober, of a good report and behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach.

Not given into wine, nor striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity having a good report within and without.”

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THE CONJUGAL UNION 

A man’s children are pieces of himself
but his wife is himself
as the conjugal union is closer
than that between parents and children,
so is it in an manner equivalent
to that between one member
and another in the natural body.

As this is a reason why husbands
should love their wives,
so it is a reason why
they should not put away their wives;
for no man ever hated his own flesh,
or cut it off, but nourishes and cherishes it,
and does all he can to preserve it.

They two shall be one,
therefore there must be but one wife,
for God made but one Eve for one Adam.

“And did not he make one?
Yet had he the residue of the Spirit.
And wherefore one?
That he might seek a godly seed.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
and let none deal treacherously
against the wife of his youth” Matthew 2:15

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